I was watching Married with Jonas a few days ago, and watched Dani, Kevin’s wife struggle with her anxiety issues. This hits so close to home for me. Anxiety disorders can be so terrible and very debilitating. I have always had this disorder, and most times you cannot tell. But, when I am having an attack, it’s very noticeable to some, but I have gotten used to covering it up in front of people other than family.
Even though this is not a physical sickness, physical pain is very evident when you have anxiety. Fear, phobia’s of things out of your control, upset stomach, nauseated stomach sometimes 24/7, body aches, night sweats, racing heartbeat, shortness of breath and the list goes on. These symptoms are evident almost daily in one form or another, and you never know when they are going to take over. And it’s a terrible feeling. You cannot make them stop, no matter how hard you try.
I am not sure when all this started with me, but I can remember as a child when it would rain in the car, I would start screaming. My mom would have to pull over and wait for the storm to pass. I just remember thinking “what if” – “what if” she cannot see? The car will wreck, what if, what if? The fear took over.
I was young at this point but my family never thought any thing of it, just maybe that I had some quirkiness. But, that was not what it was…it was anxiety the whole time.
It wasn’t until I was around 16 when I had to be put on medication for my acid reflux, and other odd feelings I had in my stomach. The DR told me just take gasX and you’ll be fine. I was not fine- I was miserable. The medicine never worked that they gave me. A year later, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder at the age of 17.
Life went on and I was able to cope, I lost around 50 lbs from not eating. Because I just couldn’t stomach anything. I went off my medication a few years later and I felt much better. I still had some anxiety, but nothing that I couldn’t control on my own.
This past few months have been tough, as my anxiety has come back full force after 10 years of feeling half way normal. I am now back on medication and even though I am not thrilled to be back on it, it was necessary. After many exams and tests of possible cysts, and this and that with my physical health…I was diagnosed for the second time with Anxiety.
After getting back on my medicine in the past 2 months, I’ve had one crisis after another. A friend of mine suddenly died, I’ve lost other friends for personal reasons, one of my close friends son is fighting leukemia, I moved homes, etc etc. All these situations trigger my issues I have with anxiety. I struggle daily with the physical symptoms that anxiety causes but only one thing truly helps me through each day. Scripture. Without scripture, I don’t know how I would keep going and going like I do. I will be going back to my church this Sunday and I know that will help. I am excited to get back there.
I will leave you with one of my favorites verses:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”