Wednesday, September 4, 2013
God has been speaking to me lately. It's like He has tapped me on the shoulder and has said, "see, I told you everything was going to be ok". Eight months ago, you couldn't have told me that. I was in a very sad place, where I felt like everything was just going down hill. I went through something that I knew would happen one day. I just felt it. This day finally came, and it made me sick. Literally.
I never realized how much I needed this change. And looking back I still think at times "what if i did it differently?" Would I be in a different place in my life? Probably. But I cannot go back. I cannot change the decision I made to keep saying no, and that no had a huge impact on my life. An impact that changed my life as I knew it.
God and very close friends were the only ones I could lean on at that point. I cried, I cried a lot. Everyday for weeks, and I knew I needed these cries to cope. God knew my needs, and I believe in my heart that this was His plan all along. It taught me that I have strength I never knew I had. All types of heartache is real, and boy does it hurt. I am still reminded, without fault of anybody. I was reminded everywhere I went- the store, radio, pictures, facebook, friends, the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, It's hard to stay away from.
Here we are almost a year later, and I am at a much happier place. I have spent time with new and old friends, and I find the joys that God shows me everyday. Now I am at the point where I look back and feel sad for people, I feel sad that peoples hearts are so cruel. I feel sad that people don't know what friendship is really about. I feel sad that I was lied to for so long. I feel sad for them. I pray for them. I pray for them everyday, that they would find the peace and joy in life that God brings. Without Him, we are nothing.
One of my church friends just wrote a book called "Being OK With Where You Are". It's is a book written for someone like me. I am not always ok with where I am. But I know God has a purpose that He will fill when the time is right. And I thank Him for this sweet promise- I thank Him for pulling me through.