I was watching Married with Jonas a few days ago, and watched Dani,
Kevin’s wife struggle with her anxiety issues. This hits so close to home for
me. Anxiety disorders can be so terrible and very debilitating. I have always
had this disorder, and most times you cannot tell. But, when I am having an
attack, it’s very noticeable to some, but I have gotten used to covering it up
in front of people other than family.
Even though this is not a physical sickness, physical pain
is very evident when you have anxiety. Fear, phobia’s of things out of your
control, upset stomach, nauseated stomach sometimes 24/7, body aches, night
sweats, racing heartbeat, shortness of breath and the list goes on. These
symptoms are evident almost daily in one form or another, and you never know
when they are going to take over. And it’s a terrible feeling. You cannot make
them stop, no matter how hard you try.
I am not sure when all this started with me, but I can
remember as a child when it would rain in the car, I would start screaming. My
mom would have to pull over and wait for the storm to pass. I just remember
thinking “what if” – “what if” she cannot see? The car will wreck, what if,
what if? The fear took over.
I was young at this point but my family never thought any
thing of it, just maybe that I had some quirkiness. But, that was not what it was…it was anxiety the whole time.
It wasn’t until I was around 16 when I had to be put on
medication for my acid reflux, and other odd feelings I had in my stomach. The
DR told me just take gasX and you’ll be fine. I was not fine- I was miserable. The
medicine never worked that they gave me. A year later, I was diagnosed with
Generalized Anxiety Disorder at the age of 17.
Life went on and I was able to cope, I lost around 50 lbs
from not eating. Because I just couldn’t stomach anything. I went off my
medication a few years later and I felt much better. I still had some anxiety,
but nothing that I couldn’t control on my own.
This past few months have been tough, as my anxiety has come
back full force after 10 years of feeling half way normal. I am now back on
medication and even though I am not thrilled to be back on it, it was
necessary. After many exams and tests of possible cysts, and this and that with
my physical health…I was diagnosed for the second time with Anxiety.
After getting back on my medicine in the past 2 months, I’ve
had one crisis after another. A friend of mine suddenly died, I’ve lost other
friends for personal reasons, one of my close friends son is fighting leukemia,
I moved homes, etc etc. All these situations trigger my issues I have with
anxiety. I struggle daily with the physical symptoms that anxiety causes but
only one thing truly helps me through each day. Scripture. Without scripture, I
don’t know how I would keep going and going like I do. I will be going back to my church this Sunday and I know that will help. I am excited to get back there.
I will leave you with one of my favorites verses:
“Do
not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with
thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.”
Philippians
4:6-7
